Last night
Oct. 16th, 2008 12:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
meirwen_1988Friends. Bless them. And thank the heavens for them.
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theboomboom called. Then after we hung up she called Alheidis, who drove the 30 miles from Norwich and held me until Duchezz got home. Then she took my girl home with her, to the kindness of a vet who understands that more is needed than handing them a check and getting a paper box in return.
hundmathr called from his sickbed. I couldn't talk long, but his voice was a hand reaching out in the darkness.
dicea spoke words of love, that helped me face the first long night without my puppy beside me, snuffling as she slept--alone in the too wide bed, empty of the strong freckled arms that used to hold me.
And so, here I am. The night did not take me. This will not break me. But I am cracked, and ragged, and do not recognize myself anymore.
I am at the point where I fear the best I can hope for is that like that little isle in the Atlantic, after violence, I will be "All changed, changed utterly: A terrible beauty is born."
theboomboom called. Then after we hung up she called Alheidis, who drove the 30 miles from Norwich and held me until Duchezz got home. Then she took my girl home with her, to the kindness of a vet who understands that more is needed than handing them a check and getting a paper box in return.hundmathr called from his sickbed. I couldn't talk long, but his voice was a hand reaching out in the darkness.dicea spoke words of love, that helped me face the first long night without my puppy beside me, snuffling as she slept--alone in the too wide bed, empty of the strong freckled arms that used to hold me.And so, here I am. The night did not take me. This will not break me. But I am cracked, and ragged, and do not recognize myself anymore.
I am at the point where I fear the best I can hope for is that like that little isle in the Atlantic, after violence, I will be "All changed, changed utterly: A terrible beauty is born."
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Date: 2008-10-16 04:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 05:10 pm (UTC)I keep praying for you.
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Date: 2008-10-16 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 05:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 06:01 pm (UTC)Some time soon there should be grilled food and ping pong.
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Date: 2008-10-16 06:34 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-10-16 06:47 pm (UTC)And then there are times when I want to say, "Enough already!"
And then, when I'm really not in a good place, I some times say, "Merciful and compassionate? You? Oh please, be merciful and compassionate with someone else. I've had my fill."
I'm sorry.
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Date: 2008-10-16 06:57 pm (UTC)Your pain must be very deep. I am truly sorry, and I wish I could give you more help than mere words.
Words being all I have, please believe this, though it seems inconceivable now: there is light, someday you will come out of the darkness to the other side, and while you may not be who you were, yet you will still be yourself, able to give love and receive love and take joy in the world.
*hugs*
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Date: 2008-10-16 07:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 07:28 pm (UTC)Julie sends he condolences as well...she was speechless when I told her.
H
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Date: 2008-10-16 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-16 11:11 pm (UTC)*HUG*
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