meirwen_1988

Okay, let's list the good stuff:

New house--good. Maybe let's stay here a moment on this thread.

I was never wild about the place on Old River Road. When we visited it I thought it was in a pretty spot, nice house. But I said, privately, to Morguhn and Rowan, "It's too big. It needs too much work. The upkeep will be a monster, including the yard. And it's too far from work and practice." I never changed my mind about any of those things.

Ironically, I finally started thinking of that Caer as "home" just a couple of weeks before the house killed Morguhn. And, yes, that is how I think of it. Is the reality that Morguhn's tendency to take some shortcuts are what killed him? Probably. I still blame the house. The house I didn't want. Sue me.

The new house has issues. It isn't perfect. For one--it's in Utica. But, that aside, it has virtues of location (see above), manageable yard space (see above), is pretty (see above), and each of us has a manageable space. The upkeep will be a bit of an issue (it is over one-hundred years old, after all), but I really think I've traded up. And, did I mention, I am no longer TRAPPED in my home. It is now a refuge, but I can leave it after dark to drive to the store, a movie, campus…if I choose. That is huge. As is the fact that the mortgage is more than covered by what I used to pay in the oil bill and gas for the car. I win.

More good--my job. I love my job. I love teaching. I love my students. It took me a long time to get here, but now I am, and it's good. It isn't perfect. But it's good. I have some wonderful colleagues.

Health. Pretty decent for a 58 (*gasp*) year old American. Need to see the dentist, but otherwise, pretty solid. Minor complaints, some chronic, some new, but, hey, compared to others I know, and family history, I'm putting this in the "win" column.

Social. Good, high quality friends. Some of whom live in the same city (though you'd never know, given how little I see them physically). That's partially my fault, but not entirely. They are good friends, but we have very different…social comfort zones. I've come to accept that. There are other friends I have, in other cities, who I know I would spend more time with if we lived closer. But we don't, so there's no sense in whining about it.

So why am I in such a pissy mood.

Partly I blame Obama. And Cuomo. And, no, I'm not being ironic. My profession, my life's endeavor, is under attack, but in such a subtle way that many people don't realize it. I calculate about another 12 years in the profession, if my health holds out. I think I can tolerate it that long. I feel genuine pity and fear for my younger colleagues. We had a Senate meeting today, and two of my colleagues--one faculty female, one non-faculty male (one of our accountants no less) who were so passionately opposed to something that the State is doing to higher education that they nearly had everyone in tears.

I am so over-extended that I can't believe I let this happen. I know HOW it happened, but the "chickens have come home to roost" this semester, and I'm at my wit's end. I am lucky that both my Dean and my Vice President like and value me, but there are unintended consequences of that. Fortunately, my Dean is one of the best human beings I know. He agrees with me that I am doing too much, and we talked today about people, more junior faculty, who A) need the work for promotion purposes and B) would be capable to step in and take over some of what I do.

And…well. My social network in Utica….Not really. Good. I miss people I can just hang out with and feel safe. And talk about ideas. Truth be told, I miss the kind of relationships I had in grad school. Where "after work" we'd hang out, and talk, and laugh. Occasionally do things as a gang, or hang out in each other's living rooms. And that happens in some academic communities, but not MV's. And my SCA friends in Utica, well…sometimes they're a little too…acerbic…for my taste. I don't mind trashing dead philosophers as much as I mind trashing living strangers. It's just me, I know. But, well…

So, there you have it. I'm in a pissy mood, and when you look at it objectively, I have a pretty great life.

Tomorrow will be better. After all, tomorrow I get to torture my students with another film they'll hate. ;-)

One of the pages I read had a guest post this morning that caught my eye. I frequently only skim this particular blog because it often is a bit more political and reactionary than I have the stomach for in the morning (when I usually read LJ), and often is about people I have no reference to, especially since my connection to the larger community that is the focus of the blog has attenuated to a large extent.

But while skimming this morning I saw that the guest poster is someone I knew. When I first connected to the larger Pagan community one of the first persons I met was Cat Chapin-Bishop. I met her through a mutual friend, and briefly became part of a circle where she was one of the leaders. And then we (a group of us) left that circle. There were some of the issues that she addresses in the guest post, but when all is said an done, I think we all parted ways amicably. Still, when I think back to that time the only person there I think of with unalloyed pleasure is Cat.

I find it interesting that she has embraced Quakerism. The first Quaker I ever knew was Mrs. Smith, whose husband was a Methodist minister. She, both through the example of her life and my friendships with her children, informed many of my ideas of that spiritual path. My friend Deborah, who is an observant Jew, also participates in the Quaker community. At some point I will need to do some thinking about Quakerism, and women I know who have embraced it, and the apparent non-exclusivity of spirituality it seems to allow.

I think I see a perfect 40 day window to do some hard thinking about this.

Ate some of our wonderful 12th Night gift (fresh eggs!!!). Chicken is not thawed yet, so maybe Wednesday for that. Gobbling the open marmalade in the frig so I can open some jam. It is a happy (and soon to be roly-poly at this rate) Meirwen.

Thank you, Flaxy!!

There's something disconcerting about being able to do a huge chunk of the Christmas gift purchases at the grocery store by buying gift cards, even when it is, in fact, what the recipients specifically requested.

Feels a little like cheating, ya know?

In no particular order--
A disabled-adult counselor
A software engineer
A Federal judge
A college professor
A professional musician
A stay at home grandma

I'm somewhat stunned to see that I look as happy as I felt.

Musicians tend to find each other. A casual scan of my friends list (both here and on Facebook) reveals a rather enlightening volume of full-time professional musicians, full-time teachers of music, part-time professionals, highly trained and skilled amateurs, untrained skilled amateurs, and that invaluable subset, the sensitive and astute non-musicians who know what they're listening to. Just more evidence I am blessed in my friends.
(There are also a scary number of highly skilled pictoral artists--but that is another post.)

Duchezz is home safe from her trip to the Capitol District. All trained and empowered. Yay!

Today's agenda is try to catch up at work after completely foobaring last night, then it's time to prepare for the weekend. And the the agenda this weekend? All the stress, all the time.

Saturday--Blades and Blarney: an event I love, appreciate beyond words, and hope I have the strength for.

Sunday--OES line officers for the district I am very uncomfortable in (part of it, for which Duchezz will get no end of CRAP for leaving early), then on to the (late arrival at the)benefit for the children of the Shire member who has advanced cancer.

Here's a seldom heard cry--"Please, oh please can it be Monday!"

(I think I'm going to be very thankful for the inventor of bourbon by the end of the weekend.)

The day was feeling mostly normal. Then one of my rocks at work told me her husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. He is on the medication, and it is having a positive effect. Still, it is a rotten thing to deal with.

One of the bright lights in the human family lost her father today. While this was not unexpected, there is still the pain, and grief, and the feeling of loss that never goes away.

The Wheel weaves as The Wheel wills.

No one said we have to like it.

I won't be too hard on the boys, losing by 7 to the undefeated Titans.

Jane and I played three games of Scrabble. We split the first two--she beat me in the third by 2 points.

Got home and just missed a call from Richmond. :-(

Now football, food, and grading. Back to the salt mines tomorrow. Is it okay that I'd just really rather stay home?