meirwen_1988

Okay, let's list the good stuff:

New house--good. Maybe let's stay here a moment on this thread.

I was never wild about the place on Old River Road. When we visited it I thought it was in a pretty spot, nice house. But I said, privately, to Morguhn and Rowan, "It's too big. It needs too much work. The upkeep will be a monster, including the yard. And it's too far from work and practice." I never changed my mind about any of those things.

Ironically, I finally started thinking of that Caer as "home" just a couple of weeks before the house killed Morguhn. And, yes, that is how I think of it. Is the reality that Morguhn's tendency to take some shortcuts are what killed him? Probably. I still blame the house. The house I didn't want. Sue me.

The new house has issues. It isn't perfect. For one--it's in Utica. But, that aside, it has virtues of location (see above), manageable yard space (see above), is pretty (see above), and each of us has a manageable space. The upkeep will be a bit of an issue (it is over one-hundred years old, after all), but I really think I've traded up. And, did I mention, I am no longer TRAPPED in my home. It is now a refuge, but I can leave it after dark to drive to the store, a movie, campus…if I choose. That is huge. As is the fact that the mortgage is more than covered by what I used to pay in the oil bill and gas for the car. I win.

More good--my job. I love my job. I love teaching. I love my students. It took me a long time to get here, but now I am, and it's good. It isn't perfect. But it's good. I have some wonderful colleagues.

Health. Pretty decent for a 58 (*gasp*) year old American. Need to see the dentist, but otherwise, pretty solid. Minor complaints, some chronic, some new, but, hey, compared to others I know, and family history, I'm putting this in the "win" column.

Social. Good, high quality friends. Some of whom live in the same city (though you'd never know, given how little I see them physically). That's partially my fault, but not entirely. They are good friends, but we have very different…social comfort zones. I've come to accept that. There are other friends I have, in other cities, who I know I would spend more time with if we lived closer. But we don't, so there's no sense in whining about it.

So why am I in such a pissy mood.

Partly I blame Obama. And Cuomo. And, no, I'm not being ironic. My profession, my life's endeavor, is under attack, but in such a subtle way that many people don't realize it. I calculate about another 12 years in the profession, if my health holds out. I think I can tolerate it that long. I feel genuine pity and fear for my younger colleagues. We had a Senate meeting today, and two of my colleagues--one faculty female, one non-faculty male (one of our accountants no less) who were so passionately opposed to something that the State is doing to higher education that they nearly had everyone in tears.

I am so over-extended that I can't believe I let this happen. I know HOW it happened, but the "chickens have come home to roost" this semester, and I'm at my wit's end. I am lucky that both my Dean and my Vice President like and value me, but there are unintended consequences of that. Fortunately, my Dean is one of the best human beings I know. He agrees with me that I am doing too much, and we talked today about people, more junior faculty, who A) need the work for promotion purposes and B) would be capable to step in and take over some of what I do.

And…well. My social network in Utica….Not really. Good. I miss people I can just hang out with and feel safe. And talk about ideas. Truth be told, I miss the kind of relationships I had in grad school. Where "after work" we'd hang out, and talk, and laugh. Occasionally do things as a gang, or hang out in each other's living rooms. And that happens in some academic communities, but not MV's. And my SCA friends in Utica, well…sometimes they're a little too…acerbic…for my taste. I don't mind trashing dead philosophers as much as I mind trashing living strangers. It's just me, I know. But, well…

So, there you have it. I'm in a pissy mood, and when you look at it objectively, I have a pretty great life.

Tomorrow will be better. After all, tomorrow I get to torture my students with another film they'll hate. ;-)

A) That was a weird interface. Is LJ trying to be G+?

B) Grateful for good friends--both those with me in body and those whose good will is the wind beneath my wings.

C) GHOSTS. I has them. They showed up everywhere in the last 2 days as we were packing. Morguhn, Cat, Rannveigr, Mom, Daddy, Elinor....Satin, Shadow, Modi, Frigga, Popcorn, Brindy....and every one was a knife, and a balm.

D) Fall down now, go boom.

Today is the last unstructured day before the semester begins in earnest.

There are things I need to do, things I want to do, only some of which cancel each other out, so there's that. I've breakfasted, which my stomach is telling me isn't the smartest thing I ever did--apparently wrong things. Oh well--that's why I've got the big bottle of meds. And of course the piece of certified mail that came on Saturday doesn't have anything to do with the state of my stomach.

The furnace is working--that's a plus. And the bill was about half what I feared. On the other hand the side-by-side still isn't working right. But the refrigerator part is, and that's the essential part. The freezer part is a luxury. The repair people are baffled--what is going on with it "is not possible"--so I guess we'll just cope.

Alrighty then. As my friend would say, "Time to put on pants" and get the out-of-house things done.

Oh. Right. They pay me.

That would be why I worked the end of May, all of June, and up until today of July, rather than going to conferences, working on my promotion packet, or otherwise recharging. They pay me. Duh. Seems so simple when you put it like that.

But now I am off. I celebrated with a mid-day shower and a glass of wine. Luxury. This weekend is GAIF, which oddly enough even counts towards promotion (5%, but "Yay!"), putting ducks in rows for the rest, then packing for Pennsic.

But now it's all about the wine, and book. Four o'clock I start taking care of others, but the next 44 minutes are MINE!!!

Just got the 2000 word papers from my 63 person film class. *sigh* Just shoot me now.

The weekend involved some Christmas-fying of the house. More requires thinking about it and actually caring. Meh. See "caring."

I love my students this semester. It happens that way sometimes. I really hope next semester isn't too much of a let-down. :-(

I hate driving in the snow. So, there is an upside to the future. Yeah. Clinging to that.

This buying 8 presents for Hanukkah was not planned for this year. My bad. Still--timing sucks, not having money and all.

Oh, right, and the embroidery thing. Yeah. Not happening this week. Just sayin.'

We've been in contact with the folks who own the barn/property. Farmer Johnson (Jimmy Johnson) is doing okay. Nasty headache, mild concussion. Mending. They called Jerry Jones (I am NOT making this up--and given how Himself felt about the Cowboys, it's really funny) to come over [maybe tomorrow] to see about getting our water back. So that is moving forward about as quickly as can be expected.

I have apparently developed a fever, cough, and sore throat. I thought the cough was from all the feathers this weekend (the twin perils of an SCA event and cold weather), but perhaps it's more. So I'm going to bed early. I'd drink some tea, but that involves fluid going in, which leads to...well, let's just say we're doing some "water conservation" around here for now.

On the positive side, my triennial classroom observation was today, and it seems to have gone well. The Dean seemed happy, and he relayed that mine was the name the President picked from the list he was sent to sit on the search committee for our Center (two positions, one English, one History). While it means committee work, it is also the kind of thing that matters when next I apply for promotion. So, a very mixed day.

And all this after a lousy nights sleep that was filled with images of rubble, children in silly costumes, and the sound of groggers. Don't know what that last bit is?? Hee hee. I didn't before Sunday--don't feel bad. Let's just say that when I should have been at Mass I was sitting next to a little boy in a red cowboy hat and his dad in a yamulka.

So, I have to figure out a way to install the chain lock on the attic door (which doesn't really close--it either jams or pops open: pick one) in such a way that you can actually attach the chain in the slide, but have the door not open far enough for a cat to slip through.

I swear our cats can do that T2  trick of going all Mr. Fantastic (or Gold, or Mercury, or Platinum Girl, if you remember the old Metal Men  comic books)and getting through the teeny-est spaces.

So, tomorrow we shall attempt to defy the laws of physics--or at the very least the laws of cat physics.

Of course, I hear those words in John Lodge's voice, and think, how appropriate--it is, after all, Tuesday afternoon. (Yeah, I can't help it, I see album playlists in my sleep. I'm one of those anal retentive types whose LP collections were alphabetized by artist, but each artist was organized by album release date. Deal with it. And I always loved "Late Lament"--it fit in really well with my Poe obsession. I was Goth before Goth was cool.)

Anyway--first day of finals. I am advising. I will be in the office most of the next two weeks, and then I just have my online class.

There will be events. And finishing the socks for the swap. And embroidery. And excavating the house. (The ceiling is coming down in the upstairs landing. Feel my joy.) I hope to take a trip to NJ to catch up with my oldest friend from college (who some of you know as Shelley), and then GAIF and Pennsic.

Movies, books, and music beckon. Duchezz thinks I should work a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy in there somewhere, too. There are days it seems like a good idea, and others where...well, no. Not going there.

So, the state of the Meirwen. More when I get out from under all these papers. Ta!

The widowmaker that has been in the maple tree at the head of the drive since we bought the house (1996) finally fell last night, on the uninhabited side of the drive. All cars, pets, and humans are safe.

Man, that sucker was big!

And lo, there was washing.
And drying.
No platforms (were smashed inside box--WTF?), but will come at a later date.

And there was much rejoicing.