It's a horrible feeling of having a hole in me, in my whole life. It overcomes at the worst times. Knowing how much, much worse it must be for you & Rowan, and knowing I can't help, I still offer you my hand and my hugs. We cannot replace his support for any of us, but all of us together can still hold.
You are hitting one of the hardest parts right now. Enough time has passed that the rest of the world has moved on, but you are still raw and bleeding and cannot. It's hard to understand how other people can continue with their lives as if everything was normal when you know that the universe has fundamentally changed in a hideous way. You want to scream, can't they see it? Are they blind? Don't they understand that the main pillar of your world has been torn away?
It's no consolation to know that things will get better eventually, because you are stuck in "now". But if it's helpful, grasp at that straw, however flimsy it is, and believe it if you can bring yourself to do so.
I sorry that we can not do more. He is supposed to be here, and it is wrong. And we are poor subsitutes for the one who would be the most comfort to you in difficult times. All I can do is send you my love and friendship.
I wish greatly that I could offer words to help - but I have none. All I can offer is my friendship and willingness to hold your hands, and help as I may.
I was heralding EK Coronation the weekend of the funeral and found myself unexpectedly reading the Rolls of Kings and Queens of the East. When I came to his name I choked and just couldn't continue.
It does no good to tell you that some of us understand your pain and feel your loss or even that some of us have been through it, too. The pain doesn't really lessen, we merely learn to live with it and not let it show after a while.
Spider Robinson's mantra is that pain shared is lessened and joy shared is increased. Share it all with us and we'll do what little we can, especially from this distance, to help.
If nothing else, remember that you are dearly loved by so many, both you and Ro. Dearly, deeply and unconditionally. You have my love, my sympathy, my empathy and an open call on unlimited hugs.
You and Ro are constantly in my thoughts. I can imagine your pain - the wrongness of his not being where he is supposed to be. Seeing something and turning to tell him to look - only he's not there. Hearing a story and thinking "I'll have to tell him..." only you can't. Being in the house, seeing the places he's supposed to be sitting, standing, sleeping... I wish I could take some of your pain myself so you would have rest from it. All I can do for you is send love. So - Love. I'm here if there is anything else I can do.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:40 pm (UTC)Knowing how much, much worse it must be for you & Rowan, and knowing I can't help, I still offer you my hand and my hugs.
We cannot replace his support for any of us, but all of us together can still hold.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 01:57 pm (UTC)I love you.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 02:14 pm (UTC)Love to you both...
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 02:28 pm (UTC)It's no consolation to know that things will get better eventually, because you are stuck in "now". But if it's helpful, grasp at that straw, however flimsy it is, and believe it if you can bring yourself to do so.
I wish I had more to give than virtual hugs.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 02:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 02:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 03:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 03:32 pm (UTC)*HUG*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 03:52 pm (UTC)I do wish there was more we could do.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 05:10 pm (UTC)It does no good to tell you that some of us understand your pain and feel your loss or even that some of us have been through it, too. The pain doesn't really lessen, we merely learn to live with it and not let it show after a while.
Spider Robinson's mantra is that pain shared is lessened and joy shared is increased. Share it all with us and we'll do what little we can, especially from this distance, to help.
If nothing else, remember that you are dearly loved by so many, both you and Ro. Dearly, deeply and unconditionally. You have my love, my sympathy, my empathy and an open call on unlimited hugs.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 06:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 08:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 09:00 pm (UTC)I'm here if there is anything else I can do.
-Caryl
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 09:17 pm (UTC)I can offer much love and virtual hugs to you and Ro!
I am glad you are both in my life.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-23 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-24 05:36 am (UTC)