I suspect, having observed you these past five years, "because I should" has been the easy way of putting one foot in front of the other and sustaining a semblance of normality in the face of major change. The emotional disengagement may be as simple as pure self-defence, and a lifetime's training at keeping things under the wrap of decorum because that's what's expected ("because I should").

If you've never had training, permission, or safe space to poke at what may actually be an overwhelming tidal surge of Stuff, it's no surprise that you're running into symptoms now of things you haven't looked at in a while. And since you're choosing right now to attend to the mind/body connection, I'm going to recommend a little book by Eugene Gendlin called "Focusing", which is all about opening that awareness bridge. It opens other things too, but that's where it starts.

And as always, if I can be of any support in the process of rooting around in the Stuff, you know I'll make myself available in a heartbeat.